


we are all monsters now

by Cathalinaheart



Category: Marvel 616
Genre: Avengers (2013) #29, Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, Murder, Not A Fix-It, hickmanvengers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-17 03:15:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21047381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cathalinaheart/pseuds/Cathalinaheart
Summary: Steve remembers the mindwipe and goes to confront Tony alone.





	we are all monsters now

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from New Avengers (2013) #19.
> 
> Thank you to the_casual_cheesecake for the beta. As always the story is much better for it.
> 
> A lot of the dialogue is directly from Avengers #29.
> 
> Written for the "No trust. Liar." square of my bingo card.

Steve’s eyes flew wide open. His whole body was drenched in sweat that was slowly starting to cool on his skin, making him shiver.

The nightmares had been getting worse, but that is all they had been. Just dreams, random splinters built on Steve’s fear that someday Tony might do something monumentally stupid again.

But this one had been different. It felt too real, he could still remember everything with startling clarity.

Steve sat up and buried his face in his hands. It couldn’t be true though, could it?

Tony would not have done something like this and then kept on smiling at Steve, playing at being Steve’s friend, even being more than friends…

Steve’s fists clenched in his hair, tugging painfully at it. Who was he kidding? If Tony thought something was necessary, the costs didn’t matter to him.

The dream - No, the memory, kept replaying in his head.

The red sky and the other earth hanging low above the ground. The gems shattering, because he wasn’t good enough. The confrontation with the other Illuminati. Trusting in T’Challa to have his back only to be betrayed.

Tony’s voice “Dammit Steve, why do you always have to be like that. I’m sorry...I’ll find some way to make this right.” As if there could ever be a way to make this right.

Tony had avoided his eyes when he had said “Do it Stephen”, when he had decided he knew better than Steve, that he had the right to decide the fate of universes.

He remembered falling and the Illuminati looming over him, all except Tony, who could never face the consequences of his own actions.

“I’m grateful,'' he had told Tony at being woken up from nightmares that were  _ memories _ . It made him sick to his stomach.

And to think how happy he had been on a team with Tony, fighting side by side, leading this massive network of Avengers. Their relationship had been so good, they had gotten along so well. How could Tony look him in the eyes and tell him he loved him, after what he had done? How could he lie in bed next to Steve, bodies sleepy and sated, without feeling guilty?

Because he was Tony Stark and there was only  _ his _ way, that’s why. It didn’t matter what it would cost. If he thought it was the right thing to do, Tony would do everything to make it happen. They had been down this route once before and Steve had hoped that they had learned from it.

But apparently not.

How many incursions had taken place since that day? How many earths had that righteous group of mad scientists and self-serving kings destroyed? How many lives had been taken just because they had decided on the easy way out?

Steve’s fists clenched. His mind flashed to a New York street, a raised shield and a broken armor on the ground. A plea for him to finish it.

He had been relieved after the fact, that he had been dragged off. That people had stopped him from killing Tony.

He wished he had gone through with it. 

Tony had obviously not learned a thing. He had made his way into Steve’s heart just to turn around and betray him.

Had everything been just a game to him? A way to keep Steve distracted? To make sure he wouldn’t remember? Wouldn’t interfere? Had he laughed at him behind his back? Joked with the other Illuminati over how gullible he was?

With quick efficient movements Steve put on the Captain America suit. Tony was a traitor and he had to pay, he was no better than any other villain Steve had faced in the suit. This was not a mission for Steve Rogers.

His first instinct, to gather other Avengers to go after the traitor, was quickly dismissed. This was not just between Iron Man and Captain America, but between Tony Stark and Steve Rogers as well. Tony would answer to him alone.

The hallways were empty, everyone was asleep, the tower silent and waiting. No one was around to stop him. Not that they could stop him if they’d wanted to.

It took no time at all to reach the heavy door behind which Tony worked, ignorant of the fact his plan had failed. The futurist had failed to see this coming.

Steve felt the urge to kick the metal door down and storm in like an angry hurricane. Instead he gathered all the restraint he had left and swung the door open. It still hit the wall with a loud thud.

Tony turned around. “Steve!” he exclaimed, smile spreading over his face. A smile that quickly faded once he got a good look at Steve’s face.

“What’s happened? Is everyone okay?” He sounded worried, but Steve was unable to tell if it was genuine or not.

Steve wished Tony didn’t look so good in the black t-shirt and the pair of jeans he wore, but Tony was always beautiful, it was absurd sometimes. No matter, Steve had no qualms about beating up beautiful people.

“No, they’re not.” Steve’s voice was harsh. “It’s time for the lies to stop, Tony.”

Without his enhanced senses Steve wouldn’t have been able to see the shock that quickly showed on Tony’s face before he got it back under control. God, how had he had missed the signs all this time?

“Well, ‘lie’ is a pretty ugly word… I’ve personally always preferred ‘exaggerate’.” Tony spread his arms wide, a showboating gesture that Steve had always hated.

Why did Tony have to be this way? Never serious, never willing to talk to others. Steve took a step forward, while Tony continued blabbering on.

“Which doesn’t really matter, as I have no idea what’s going on beyond the fact that you’re growling. Now what do you need? I’m busy.” Tony crossed his arms in front of his chest in a classic defensive position.

_ Busy with what? Planning the end of worlds? _ , Steve wondered silently in his head.

“No one was here during the Banner attack except for you. I think maybe he figured something out. Maybe he caught you in a lie - Like you’ve been lying to me all along.”

“Seriously, Steve...What are you talking about?” Tony relaxed his posture, but Steve could see that it was forced. And he knew just because Tony Stark looked relaxed didn’t mean he wasn’t ready to strike at any time. But so was he.

“I remember.”

“Remember what?” Why was Tony still playing dumb? Why could he not accept that he had failed? That something with Stephen’s little spell had gone wrong?

“I  _ remember. _ ”

Tony’s shoulders sagged. Finally, he was willing to acknowledge the truth.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Tony sounded unsure of himself. Like he didn’t know what the proper response should be. As if there was anything that Tony could say that would cool his anger.

“Yes. I do.” Tony would go down, but not before Steve had some answers. “I want to know how far you all have taken it, Tony. Have you done the unthinkable yet?”

“Steve… You don’t -”

_ Don’t understand? _ No he didn’t. How could they go through with it.

“My god… You have, haven’t you?” He interrupted Tony, because why should he have to listen to him justify it. “So whose moral code cracked first? Was it you? Was it Stephen, or Namor, or T’Challa? Which one of you broke first, Tony? Who was it?” It felt so vital that he knew. “Who was it?” He repeated, nearly shouting this time.

Tony took a moment to just look at him, to measure him and it seemed like he had been found wanting because Tony replied “You.”

That was it. Steve’s vision turned red. He lunged forward and hit Tony straight in the jaw, knocking him down. Tony’s lip split open and blood trickled down his face. Seeing the blood was oddly satisfying.

“Get up”Steve demanded, “Get up, Tony. Stand your ground and fight like a man. If you’re willing to blow up other worlds to save our own, you should be willing to stand for it.“

Tony wiped the blood from his face. “It’s not like that. It hasn’t happened yet. And you really think this is the right place for it?” He placed a familiar ear piece in his ear. “After all Steve, this is not just my home, but it’s where I go to work.”

Tony’s armor build itself up next to him. A silent sentry, telling Steve to calm down and back off.

“Now... Are you just going to continue being you, Steve or are we going to calm the hell down and talk about this?”

“You want to tell me a story Tony? Because I have this idea that’s been running through my mind. It’s overwhelming - all-consuming - and I can’t shut it off.” 

“Well that’s how it is for us who get ideas.” How casually Tony put himself into the same category. They were nothing alike. Tony kept proving that time and time again.

“You’ve been using me this entire time!” Steve shouted. He tried to keep the hurt from his voice but he wasn’t completely successful. Maybe Tony would just not pick up on how much he’d been personally hurt, how much their relationship had meant to him.

“Yes...I suppose I did. And I’d do it again. Look at what happened. Look at what we build… and what we’ve accomplished. I’ve been right this entire time.”

“And what? Sleeping with me was a necessary part of that plan? Using me like that? I trusted you, how could you do this? Did you ever even love me?”

Tony turned white and his eyes were wide open. “Yes. Always. Steve, I never meant to hurt you! You have to believe me!”

“Believe you? How can you even say that? There is no more trust between us, liar. You betrayed me.”

“I did.” Tony seemed to have given up on trying to convince Steve of his point of view. He squared his shoulders. Both men knew where this was going. They’ve been through it before. Steve felt a pang of sadness at the thought. It felt like they had gotten stuck in an endless, vicious cycle.

“What are you going to do about it, Steve?” Tony let himself get enveloped by his armor. His whole body was tense, ready for a fight. It was an image Steve had seen countless times.

Steve bared his teeth. “Now? Now I am going to beat you bloody.”

He grabbed the shield from his back and swung it directly at Tony’s throat. There was no point in being subtle after all.

Tony managed to dodge the attack at the last second and the shield only clipped his shoulder. The sound of the shield smashing in the armor was still immensely satisfying.

Using the force of his attack to turn around, Steve sent the shield flying. The whine of the repulsors filled the room and for a second Steve was blinded by the bright light. The beam had knocked the shield out of the air.

Steve prepared to make a dive for it, well aware that his bare hands couldn’t do a lot against the armor, but said armor stepped in his way and grabbed his hands.

“Is this really necessary, Steve?” The modulators took all emotions out of Tony’s voice. If there were any. Who knew at this point if Tony cared enough for that?

The only answer Steve gave him was a snarl. He yanked his hands free and hit Tony in the head again. He used the momentary distraction to lunge for his shield and smashed it against the uni-beam housing. Once, twice. The light was flickering. Good.

A repulsor beam clipped him in the thigh, ripping the uniform open and burning the flesh beneath, causing him to stumble. Using his opening Tony pulled on Steve’s left arm, dislocating the shoulder.

Steve grinned through the pain. Tony wasn’t holding back. Good. He wanted him to fight back with all he got.

The fighting was familiar, all those shared training exercises and real fights against each other burned into Steve’s memory. It was exhilarating in a way, letting go and just bashing at Tony.

Each hit and slash on the armor felt like balm on Steve’s bleeding heart. He never should have trusted Tony with it. Now the man had to pay.

They were vicious with each other. Nothing of their friendship seemed to have survived this betrayal, only the years of bitterness and old fights that were never fully resolved left.

At the end Steve could barely stand upright. His body bleeding and bruised. At least one rib had been broken and already healed together wrong.

But Tony was lying on the ground, the armor in worse shape than Steve was. The faceplate had been ripped away and Tony was bleeding sluggishly from a wound above his right eye.

Steve kneeled over him, an echo of the past.

“You don’t have the guts to finish it” Tony breathed out, looking challengingly at Steve.

Maybe if Tony had said something else, things would have gone differently.

But Steve couldn’t stand it, Tony looking at him like that. He just wanted him to stop. No more betrayals, no more heartbreak, no more inevitable disappointments. It was all too much for one man to take. He just couldn’t take it anymore. Every man had his limit’s and Steve had reached his.

“You’re a bastard, Tony Stark. Go to hell.”

Steve raised his shield and brought it down one final time, crushing the skull of the man who used to be his everything.

Suddenly everything was over and the world around him was still and quiet. Only his heavy breathing was echoing around the room. There was no place left to direct his anger. Just cold nothingness. He felt numb.

His vision blurred and he started feeling faint. He had lost a lot of blood. He might also be in shock. Maybe he should just lie down a bit.

The ground was cold and wet next to Tony’s body but Steve didn’t care. Just a moment. Just a quick rest before he had to tell the others what Tony had done, what he had done.

Oh god, what had he done?

Something wet was making its way down Steve’s cheek. Tears. He watched them fall and mix with Tony’s blood on the ground.

Both of them had been intertwined in ways that did not allow for easy separation. A part of Steve had been ripped out. And he couldn’t tell what was worse: His hatred of Tony for betraying him or the pain of having lost him forever.

He struggled to move his hand. It felt heavy and numb, like the rest of his body. Carefully he laid it above Tony’s hand and tangled their fingers together.

He could take just one moment to grieve the person he had thought Tony was. Just a small, private moment, that nobody needed to know about. He closed his eyes to the light.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic] we are all monsters now](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21824365) by [The_Casual_Sounds (the_casual_cheesecake)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_casual_cheesecake/pseuds/The_Casual_Sounds)


End file.
